Neil's career change to become a foster carer

It was during the pandemic that Neil started to think about a change of career. He felt too young to retire and considered a variety of options but none appealed. Then his wife suggested fostering. "It was a completely different avenue. We researched the options, thought it over for several months then contacted Essex County Council to find out more."

The training process and assessment process

They went through the training and assessment in 2021.

Some people think it's a pretty invasive process, but I found it cathartic. It gave me time to reflect on my life, my parenting style, my relationships with siblings. I didn't find anything negative about it. After all, they've got to check you can look after someone else's child."

The couple started with respite care and fostered two pre-school siblings. "Nothing prepared me for the physical exhaustion that comes with looking after toddlers. They were absolute dynamos, on the go 24/7!"

Next came two sibling teenagers. "It was equally exhausting but this time, from an emotional and intellectual angle. It wasn't as simple as we thought."

The couple recognise that each child is a unique person. "We meet them and see if we click. Sometimes the foster siblings get on, sometimes not - exactly like any other brothers and sisters. But essentially, we're a family, warts and all."

Neil is impressed by the training on offer for foster carers. "Essex has a great core curriculum - I particularly love the courses on psychology and neuroscience, learning how the brain is formed."

Advice for potential foster carers

Neil and Susan have now fostered 13 children. For potential foster carers, Neil advises: 

"You have to 'un-parent' yourself. You can't parent your foster children the same way you parent your own kids. Fostering a child doesn't always come naturally, you have to work at it.

"Take advantage of the excellent training courses on offer and be ready to work with a huge variety of people. We've been fortunate to have the same supervising social worker throughout and the consistency is really beneficial. There's a huge team around children in care so you need to be able to work with the child and also the professionals."